The art of being alone..

I promised myself when starting this blog, not to get too personal. So this one goes out to society in general.

Why is it that when a single woman is out by herself men wonder if there is something wrong with her? While I have friends, I do not need them to be my bodyguard, nor do I require them to be by my side in order for me to have a good time. For most women such as myself we have our mom friends, those we make small talk with & have playdates planned. Then for me at least, I have one or two really good friends I share my soul to.

Men of a certain age married or not, find it in their happiness to be in a group, playing sports, drinking, or planning parties around the above. That is completely fine if it is one’s style. There are women groups I find that do the same, and these women have known one another for years. For someone of my particular childhood I did not receive such chances of developing lifelong relationships. Being of no particular culture or language I do not automatically have others I can spend time with on the basis of cultural compatibility either.

If one needs a famous reference of why it is perfectly fine to go out to dine or view a movie on one’s own ask Keanu Reeves. While he is a cutie, I am doing things on my own these days simply because it brings me my happiness. Not because he says it is cool.

I find it distasteful when a “gentleman” asks why I am all by my lonesome. Perhaps it is because the company of someone with such a narrow view of a stranger is a turn off for me.

Friends are great, and the family we choose is even greater. Seriously though, when did it become a requirement to only go out in the world with others to surround us? For single men I can understand their question- they worry a woman who does not hang with her friends all the time would be a leach or burden to them. What an opinion to gather in thirty seconds of meeting. ((Babe you can have all the friends you want, while you’re out I’ll be home with the kids, or reading my favorite book- no leach here!))

Another thing to consider; women such as myself are still in the thick of the parenting web. We can only gather so much time for ourselves, and for me I do not always want to plan small talk playdates just to get out of the house for a bit. These times can be fun for all, just to me not a necessary endeavor.

Being on one’s own in a coffee shop seems normal, I have my laptop, or book, so it is assumed I am working, or busy. But being in a restaurant eating a meal, attending a movie; why is it assumed I am lonely??

My thoughts on those who dare to question my being alone, – perhaps it’s because they themselves do not hold the bravery. While I am coming up with quick, witty, even snarky comments the next time a “man” (lol)asks what I am doing all by my lonesome- I will surely let them aware of their rudeness in turn.

Yes, I am learning how to be alone. I have been for some time now. I found relying on others to make one happy kills a relationship. Unless I truly, deeply know myself, my boundaries, my value I will not be a good partner to one of those men that are left for a gem like me to choose from…

Okay so this post had a little “impolitesse” to it, and not all of society may have narrow assumptions. I speak of my recent experience in the society I am facing at my age.

Really- wish me luck!!-