Journey with me

Tag: love

  • Identity

    This blog is quickly becoming an outlet for discussion verses the poetic journey I envisioned.

    I find myself thinking about identity. This world is rapidly becoming a myriad of adjectives. People describing themselves. Honestly, does it matter? We use our identity to fulfill our desired goals. Thinking about it, a person engrossed in the career path, they see themselves as good as their job. Work is good, they are good, therefore they identify as a successful person. Even someone who says they are a woman, well as a woman I am only as good as my title. Feminine, respectful, married, single, parent… all those things describe and give value to the description. Therefore, identifying within myself my goal.

    What we are, is what we do. How we classify our daily lives gives us a purposeful meaning. I guarantee if I spoke to the stranger at the next table, with the first few minutes of conversation, the topic of what one does for a living will come up.

    Just for a moment, ask yourself- how do you describe yourself? It is like the classifications of living things from Biology that I taught my kids. To know someone, we need to go down the list- Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, species.

    Well, we are human – most of us. I first tell everyone I am a mom. It is how I see myself. It is what I do. Many little subtitles come with the job description. People ask what I do. ” I’m a mom”, ” No-what is your job?” response- “I am a mom.” “No what do you do for a living??” ” I am a MOM”.

    I am a mammal, female, woman, mom, single parent, yeah so I am not the best teaching the classifications of living things, let alone describing them myself. One gets the jist. I will try that again- I am a woman, beautiful inside and out, sensitive, deep, philosophical, respectful, teacher, mom, tired, loving, loyal, thinker, aspiring writer and so on.

    Does it matter what my adjectives are to others? Only if one wants to know me, finds interest in me. My identity is my own. It allows me to see the world in a unique way. If society could just realize it does not need to be told or discovered what one is or not, we could finally quiet the speeches and just accept we are all humans, with our own unique view, each with knowledge to help this world go round.

  • What one wants….

    This post is about the elusive relationship, much like bigfoot I will always be on the lookout for the possibility of existence.

    While I admit to the fact a woman is supposed to be “strong” and not expose her true needs- in effort not to scare away those men.. I write without fear.

    I want to be that couple I noticed taking cute photos with one another. I want to be the older couple I watched help one another cross the street. I want a man to say to me “it’s okay the house is a mess; you had a long week with the kids”. or ” hey, get yourself all dolled up, I’m taking you out”. One would see these acts as simple. However, all the above requires consideration. That requires a person to want. Putting someone first is a want. Considering someone else is a want. To have another in our lives who we care for, consider, and be with, that is a want. In turn a woman who is cared for in such a way, will make her man feel wanted, and considered as well. She will cook, hug, smile, and care in her own feminine way. Both wanting is the secret.

    Not all women, or men for that matter seek such loving relationships. That is okay. I’m a woman who seeks all of it. I want to completely open up to someone. I don’t want to hide emotions, to secure a man. It is true intimacy to bare one’s soul, to laugh and cry with someone. To fight and to heal. To conversate, and to sit quietly.

    To commit to the want of it all. Is this possibility truly as elusive as the world makes it?

    Once upon a time, I had a dream. One evening I met someone. This man was not expected. He opened the door for me, held his hand out to lead me through a crowd, he placed his palm on the small of my back to lead and protect me as we walked. He listened to me attentively. I remember in this dream, every time I looked at him, I lost my thought of what I was saying, he was making eye contact, and it made me blush. He was a gentleman and did not take advantage, instead he allowed me to be feminine. Allowed me to be respected. In turn, because of his masculine behavior, I showed my consideration and allowed myself to be a woman he could admire. He showed up unexpectedly and gifted me one night of all the wants I have been looking for. It was if I was living a scene in a fictional novel, and now I am the girl waiting for the possibility to expose itself. Now I am hoping, like a “girl” for another opportunity to arise. To show my respect, to be soft and feminine for this leading man.

    The want of it, is it too much to ask? Am I the only one who notices this world is tough enough to go it alone? Am I the only one brave enough to say what I want??

  • Dating at my age..

    The title has such a mystery to it doesn’t it?? Okay, so I absolutely admit I have been reading books on dating! No joke, I am so open about it. It has been over 20 years since I have been “out” there. Wow! There is a game to play, and it is exhausting!

    Firstly, everything is through texting. Okay, seriously? I have been texting, for weeks with one in particular. I use all the quips, sass, flirtatious words, and it is like he has read the same books!! To get a man to ask a girl out is very much a competition these days. Only the slyest survive and actually make it to a face-to-face date.

    I have pulled out all the stops, took my time to reply, so carefully, being positive, cute, flirty, available, but not too available.. even then this particular guy still would not commit to a when and where.

    Women are now thinking, okay, why keep trying? Honestly once you’re in it, you kind of want to win. Whether or not this date actually happens, I want to say I tried! And there it is! I am playing the great game. He has now won, because I am chasing. But my value- meet me in person and find out!!

    I sought some male advice as well. I was not kidding in my earlier comment. My male friend gave me an example of how he “hooked” his now girlfriend. It so reminded me of the back and forth texting I now find myself in.

    I equate dating today like the housing market. Sometimes it’s a buyers’ market-other times a sellers’ market. Well ladies, it is the men’s turn! It is as if they test us with every comment, emoji & blunt question.

    I am going to chalk all this experience up to practice. I want a man to be a man. I just want one to lead so I can be feminine. Having to “work” for it is exhausting. I can’t say certain things, or I’m not fun, can’t make certain comments because them I’m not interesting, if I’m too interesting- heck he may get the wrong idea. And I am not that girl!

    These so-called men on dating apps, say they don’t like games, ha! They want us to play, fight for them, and act as if we are grateful. Wasn’t evolution the other way around? Males fought for the right woman??

    At my age, I am not looking to breed. I am not looking for a man to be my savior, or Finacial backbone. Guys- I just want to get dressed up and laugh, flirt, feel like a woman for a few hours! Is that really too much to ask for?

    Just saying, fellas- do not claim to be looking for that one”, do not say you want the girl who has it all figured out, can be a wife, mom, and intelligent, sassy, etc. just fess up- you want a woman to show off in society and be a porn star in the bedroom. Well, guess what? Even a girl next door type like me has all that, and I can cook, bake, raise the kids too! I will even make you look good in front of your friends.

    Just saying… knock yourselves off that pedestal. Take a girl out, sense, smile, touch and feel the date. Quit trying to rate us by texts. Maybe, just maybe you will find what you say you are looking for..

  • The art of being alone..

    I promised myself when starting this blog, not to get too personal. So this one goes out to society in general.

    Why is it that when a single woman is out by herself men wonder if there is something wrong with her? While I have friends, I do not need them to be my bodyguard, nor do I require them to be by my side in order for me to have a good time. For most women such as myself we have our mom friends, those we make small talk with & have playdates planned. Then for me at least, I have one or two really good friends I share my soul to.

    Men of a certain age married or not, find it in their happiness to be in a group, playing sports, drinking, or planning parties around the above. That is completely fine if it is one’s style. There are women groups I find that do the same, and these women have known one another for years. For someone of my particular childhood I did not receive such chances of developing lifelong relationships. Being of no particular culture or language I do not automatically have others I can spend time with on the basis of cultural compatibility either.

    If one needs a famous reference of why it is perfectly fine to go out to dine or view a movie on one’s own ask Keanu Reeves. While he is a cutie, I am doing things on my own these days simply because it brings me my happiness. Not because he says it is cool.

    I find it distasteful when a “gentleman” asks why I am all by my lonesome. Perhaps it is because the company of someone with such a narrow view of a stranger is a turn off for me.

    Friends are great, and the family we choose is even greater. Seriously though, when did it become a requirement to only go out in the world with others to surround us? For single men I can understand their question- they worry a woman who does not hang with her friends all the time would be a leach or burden to them. What an opinion to gather in thirty seconds of meeting. ((Babe you can have all the friends you want, while you’re out I’ll be home with the kids, or reading my favorite book- no leach here!))

    Another thing to consider; women such as myself are still in the thick of the parenting web. We can only gather so much time for ourselves, and for me I do not always want to plan small talk playdates just to get out of the house for a bit. These times can be fun for all, just to me not a necessary endeavor.

    Being on one’s own in a coffee shop seems normal, I have my laptop, or book, so it is assumed I am working, or busy. But being in a restaurant eating a meal, attending a movie; why is it assumed I am lonely??

    My thoughts on those who dare to question my being alone, – perhaps it’s because they themselves do not hold the bravery. While I am coming up with quick, witty, even snarky comments the next time a “man” (lol)asks what I am doing all by my lonesome- I will surely let them aware of their rudeness in turn.

    Yes, I am learning how to be alone. I have been for some time now. I found relying on others to make one happy kills a relationship. Unless I truly, deeply know myself, my boundaries, my value I will not be a good partner to one of those men that are left for a gem like me to choose from…

    Okay so this post had a little “impolitesse” to it, and not all of society may have narrow assumptions. I speak of my recent experience in the society I am facing at my age.

    Really- wish me luck!!-